Breaking News – #hoffcon Keynote Speech Leaked

Warning: This is aimed at securitytwits for humor purposes.  You might not get it.

An anonymous source that is not approved to speak on behalf of #hoffcon shared @Beaker‘s keynote speech. Of course it could have just been a spy chipmunk disguised as a squirrel.

Securitytwits know @Beaker to be Chris Hoff our beloved Cloud Security Guru.  In his preparations last night for the upcoming #hoffcon @Beaker was testing Mojito recipes.  We have evidence from his own twitter feed:

Now’d be a particularly unfortunate time to write a blog. I’ve been testing Mojito recipes all night long. It’d be a frankenpost of a blog

about 9 hours ago via Tweetie for Mac

Our anonymous source suspects a strange reaction of Mojito recipes on the scale of accidents that give birth to heroes in comic books caused @Beaker to want to watch Independence Day during the early morning hours. Or maybe it’s just because it’s July 4th weekend. This lead to his inspiration for his speech.  There is also a rumored super secret ninja squirrel badge for 4Square checkins at #hoffcon.

Good morning. We are joined by our security ninja squirrel brothers and sisters from around the cloud. And you will be launching the largest hoffcon ever.

cloud — that word should have new meaning for all of us today.

It’s not just the smoke from over the grill. Its the way things are going on the Intertubes.

We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore.

We will be united in public to private cloud relationships.  We need well developed options for all sides.

Perhaps its fate that hoffcon is on the 4th of July weekend, or maybe its just a great time to party.  And oh yes, my birthday!

You will once again be fighting for our freedom, not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution — but from annihilation.

We’re fighting for our right to have Private Cloud not just AWS Public Cloud only.

And should we win the day, the 4th of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the world declared in one voice:

“We will not go quietly into the night!

We will not vanish without a fight!

We’re going to properly design our cloud!

Our systems will survive!”

Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!

Now PaaS the Pork!